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Encountering refusal, especially when it happens repeatedly, is anything but enjoyable. A publisher is turning you down, delivering a definite “Nope.” Being an author, I am familiar with setbacks. I commenced pitching manuscripts half a century past, just after college graduation. From that point, I have had two novels rejected, along with nonfiction proposals and numerous essays. Over the past 20 years, focusing on op-eds, the refusals have grown more frequent. On average, I get a rejection every few days—totaling more than 100 times a year. In total, denials throughout my life exceed a thousand. At this point, I could claim a advanced degree in rejection.

So, is this a woe-is-me outburst? Absolutely not. As, finally, at 73 years old, I have accepted being turned down.

How Have I Managed It?

A bit of background: Now, just about everyone and their relatives has rejected me. I haven’t counted my win-lose ratio—it would be very discouraging.

As an illustration: recently, a newspaper editor turned down 20 pieces in a row before saying yes to one. A few years ago, over 50 editors rejected my manuscript before a single one approved it. Later on, 25 representatives rejected a project. One editor suggested that I send my work less frequently.

The Steps of Rejection

Starting out, all rejections stung. I felt attacked. It seemed like my writing was being turned down, but myself.

Right after a submission was turned down, I would start the process of setback:

• Initially, shock. Why did this occur? Why would these people be ignore my ability?
• Second, refusal to accept. Certainly they rejected the wrong person? Perhaps it’s an oversight.
• Then, rejection of the rejection. What can editors know? Who made you to hand down rulings on my efforts? They’re foolish and their outlet is poor. I reject your rejection.
• After that, anger at them, then self-blame. Why would I subject myself to this? Could I be a martyr?
• Fifth, negotiating (often accompanied by delusion). What will it take you to recognise me as a once-in-a-generation talent?
• Then, despair. I’m not talented. What’s more, I’ll never be accomplished.

I experienced this for decades.

Great Examples

Naturally, I was in good fellowship. Accounts of creators whose books was at first rejected are numerous. Herman Melville’s Moby-Dick. Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. James Joyce’s Dubliners. Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita. Joseph Heller’s Catch-22. Nearly each renowned author was initially spurned. If they could overcome rejection, then possibly I could, too. The basketball legend was cut from his youth squad. The majority of Presidents over the recent history had been defeated in campaigns. The filmmaker says that his Rocky screenplay and bid to appear were turned down repeatedly. He said rejection as someone blowing a bugle to rouse me and persevere, rather than retreat,” he has said.

Acceptance

Then, as I reached my later years, I reached the last step of setback. Understanding. Currently, I more clearly see the various causes why an editor says no. To begin with, an reviewer may have recently run a similar piece, or have something in the pipeline, or just be contemplating that idea for another contributor.

Alternatively, unfortunately, my idea is of limited interest. Or the editor believes I am not qualified or reputation to fit the bill. Perhaps isn’t in the business for the content I am submitting. Or was busy and reviewed my work too fast to recognize its quality.

Feel free call it an realization. Anything can be rejected, and for numerous reasons, and there is virtually not much you can do about it. Many rationales for rejection are always beyond your control.

Within Control

Others are within it. Let’s face it, my proposals may from time to time be flawed. They may lack relevance and resonance, or the message I am struggling to articulate is insufficiently dramatised. Or I’m being flagrantly unoriginal. Maybe a part about my punctuation, particularly dashes, was offensive.

The key is that, regardless of all my decades of effort and setbacks, I have succeeded in being published in many places. I’ve authored multiple works—the initial one when I was 51, my second, a autobiography, at 65—and more than a thousand pieces. These works have appeared in publications large and small, in diverse platforms. An early piece was published in my twenties—and I have now contributed to many places for 50 years.

Still, no blockbusters, no author events in bookshops, no spots on TV programs, no Ted Talks, no honors, no accolades, no Nobel Prize, and no Presidential Medal. But I can more easily take no at this stage, because my, small accomplishments have eased the stings of my many rejections. I can now be reflective about it all at this point.

Educational Rejection

Denial can be helpful, but when you listen to what it’s indicating. Or else, you will almost certainly just keep taking rejection the wrong way. What insights have I gained?

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